The monster that is me. . . .

In 96 I had a severe car wreck on HWY 66. It would be a couple of years before I realize the extent that this wreck would have on my body. I started experiencing severe pain throughout my body. After many test, I was diagnosed has having fibromyalgia. I was diagnosed sometime in 97 with this. If you are familiar with fibromyalgia, being put under for surgery really does weird things with it and really messes you up. Between my c-section with my 2nd son and the two other abdominal surgeries that I have had, needless to say I have really having problems lately. I have always had the mind frame that I would not take the meds because of the side effects that it would cause and how this may effect me being a mom to my boys. Ben lovingly pointed out that me not take my meds has really effected the way I am a mom to the boys. Before I would be the mom on the go now I just want to find a hole and crawl in it.

I went to the dr last week and he put me on a new med. The list of side effects are crazy. It is one of those meds that you have to gradually go on till you reach full strength. Today is Day 5 of my transformation into this med. I say transformation because the one major side effect is nervousness and being anxious. As my husband said he is walking on egg shells around me because of the Dr Jekle Mrs Hyde that I have become. He really enjoyed the trip down I40 last night going to the "game". I politely told people what they could do as far as getting out of my way. Ben said that it is really scarry since I drive the Pathfinder that I can run over most of the people. Coming home, he and J. T. decided that the best thing for the family is to take the keys away from me and make me be a passenger. I do not do passenger very well. I get car sick. So as I was closing my eyes trying to talk my self out of being sick, I used that time to talk with God. To ask him to help me in my transformation. Well it seems to have worked. This morning I woke up feeling better and do not seem to be on such a roller coaster.

I strongly believe that God has helped me realize the monster that is me and how I need to change. I at one point last night told JT that I understood how some animal mother's eat their young. He just kind of grinned at me but also moved away. Hee hee. Well please say a prayer for me and my family because on Friday will be the 8th day at this dosage and then I get to double it. I feel that my family will be hiding again for a week.